I've been avoiding you/this.
There is something looming- an impending, unavoidable reality.
...But that can't be dealt with until I man up, and say what needs to be said (to you) to finally get closure. Why is it so fucking hard to send a nice message? What is the point of such intense anxiety?
All I want to do is say 'thank you', since I don't think that I ever did at the end.
It is the right thing to do. I'm not trying to be inappropriate or step over any 'approved former patient
behavior' line. There isn't anything wrong with just... thanking someone, but I have been trying- GENUINELY- struggling with this, for so long now. There is an urgency to it now.
I may have to adapt the planned method of communication if I cannot remember how to power through this straightjacket my mind has created. Fuck. This all sounds crazy, but maybe that is just about right for me these days.
Anyway, crazy is kinda the Doctor's area of expertise. So at least there is that.
